Those who do not participate in or understand the BDSM lifestyle often believe that subs and Doms are just born with the ability to keep to their role. It is true that the traits obvious in both roles can show up early in life. It is also true that sexual preferences can appear before someone becomes involved in the lifestyle. But even natural Doms sometimes need a little help.
Here are five tips that will help any Dom to maintain his role with ease and efficiency.
One of the keys to being a Dom is the ability to maintain control during the role playing scene. You have to be the one in charge and making the decisions. The sub is the one that is going to submit to you. Sometimes, though, this gets confused. The sub will try and assert themselves and/or take over the way the scene plays out. It’s not always an intentional act. At times it is nothing more than just a natural reaction to the circumstances.
If it happens that you lose control as a Dom there is a simple solution. Take it back. You have to be the one in charge so you will have to find a way to regain your boundaries for the scene to continue to work out.
For some reason those who hear the word dominant automatically assume that the person is a raging control freak with an attitude. This is not actually true. The key to a good and successful dom is that he is able to maintain that control with a calm and collected personality. That calm demeanor is what leads the sub to want to follow him and adhere to his instructions. If he was screaming and out of control she would likely back away quickly.
You may not realize it, but those inside the BDSM lifestyle are very knowledgeable about their choices and respective roles. But the knowledge of a BDSM must extend further than that. He should be aware of how to use his tools and toys correctly. If he is into things such as chastity devices or choking, he should understand how to do it without danger to his sub. A true dom will study those things he is practicing so that he is prepared to enjoy the experiences with his sub without worrying about what could happen as a result.
A Dom should always be prepared for his role playing adventures. This means that he should have his supplies handy and the ideas in his mind ready to go. He should understand his partner enough to know what to expect from her during the scene and even when they aren’t involved in play. He should also be prepared for anything could arise and be able to handle it without any serious problems.
This is the part of the BDSM world that most fail to acknowledge. It isn’t about abuse and mistreatment. It’s about trust and respect. If you think about, the idea makes sense. If a sub didn’t trust the dom completely, would she really want to allow herself to be tied and gagged for him?
BDSM works differently than many understand. But one of the absolute musts for being a dom is to always respect your partner. This is a person that is placing all of their trust in you and they deserve the respect for doing so. You will never intentionally hurt them or upset them just for the joy of your own sexual satisfaction. And always remember the safeword and respect that as well.