I talk a lot about the BDSM lifestyle. I also share quite often my personal preference for being a submissive and how I enjoy bondage and discipline and other forms of role play. These are my own sexual choices. But being submissive is about more than the preferences I have inside of the bedroom.
People tend to think that those of us into BDSM are content as long as the partner we choose is our sexual match. But that isn’t true. Just like anyone else, we have qualities and traits that we look for beyond sexual. When a Dom is looking for a new Sub, he will look specifically for a set of traits that he feels will enhance their relationship both in and out of the bedroom.
- Honesty is one of the top things that matter. Yes everyone, vanilla and otherwise, wants an honest partner. But when your sex life becomes about role playing and fantasies honest becomes even more urgent. You don’t want to incorporate gags, bondage, spanking and other things of that nature into a relationship with someone that you do not feel complete trust with.
- Attentiveness is another thing that doms will look for. It’s easy to attend to your man’s needs in the bedroom, but if it is not a natural thing then it will wear off. While subs do not typically serve their men all day, every day; he is still going to watch for things like tending to his needs in other areas.
- While being submissive sounds silly, it’s actually a trait that a dom will look for. Not everyone that likes to engage in submissive sex is a true sub. A dom is looking for someone that submits willingly and completely. If she’s pushing boundaries, he’s going to reconsider because that defeats his purpose.
- Just because she is willing to submit to him, doesn’t mean she has to be an idiot. I can promise you that I have a brain. A sub with intelligence is a serious turn-on for most doms. They don’t intend to spend every moment having sex with her.
- A dom is most definitely going to want a woman that can commit to him. After all, it’s hard to start over and continuously train a new partner. He wants someone that will commit to the lifestyle; but also someone that will commit to him.
- Depending on him is a must. Yes it is a dangerous ground to walk on. Who doesn’t worry about what could happen? What if it becomes a situation where there is too much dependence and abuse occurs? You can’t think worst case scenario because it’s not realistic. The truth is, dependence is needed for a sub and dom to work out.
- It’s also important that she be completely aware of herself. She has to respect herself enough to not be manipulated. She has to like herself enough to be comfortable in role playing scenarios. She has to know herself enough to understand what she wants and needs both sexually and in the real world.
- Obviously like anyone else there is a need to be compatible. The couple has to like the same things, enjoy the same thing, or they won’t work out. That’s the same as any relationship and doesn’t change just because they both enjoy a little kink.
- Speaking of which, she has to really enjoy kink just because she does. No dom wants a woman that does it strictly because she wants to make him happy. If that’s the case the one or both of the parties will begin to resent the other.
A true sub needs to be able to have a vivid imagination. There is no way to role play in the way that subs will do if she can’t imagine and act out the scenario in her head. It’s a vital component to the BDSM relationship.